The Miss E Of Worlds Most Hated (E's for Eerie, not Elated)

Why do we do this to ourselves every summer?

I found myself asking this question to Angie GoGo and Sarah Dope (and everyone in a three car radius who could hear me yelling) as we pulled into the parking lot for the Pomona Warped Tour date. Angie and I had been out the night before at the pre-party so I had already seen Bad Religion play a longer set in a more intimate setting than I would at the behemoth outdoor festival. Why the HELL was I willing to brave the crowds, the heat, the dust, the inevitable hassle with the list, the fights, the sun… I can go on and believe me I did… to see them again?

I have my days where I can be a downer and Pomona was fast panning out to be one of them. Of course there was a hassle with the list but after a phone call, Angie and I had jolly purple passes that meant we could go just about anywhere. Where we went was straight for the shade of Bleed the Dream’s merch tent and the company of our friends. I fell into a beach chair and refused to be budged. Why am I doing this? I thought, stoically refusing to have any sort of fun at all. I refused to crack a smile at Keith’s silly antics. I scowled greatly at the hugs from Dave. I furrowed my brow at Angela’s suggestion that we walk around and see who else was there. I pouted mightily at the plethora of good friends we ran into and scorned all the loving hugs I received.

I was hot. I was thirsty. I was cranky. I was too old for this shit. I was NOT going to have any fun.

I moped my way through the morning sets, trailing after Sarah Dope, who was taking photos for Alternative Press. I had to put on an extra burst of moping around 2 because I’d actually gotten giddy and skipped around tent city, excitedly gathering stickers (oh weird) and chatting with all the people on the tour – new friends and old. Warped Tour is like a giant family and I’d be DAMNED if I wasn’t going to be the surly teenager of that family.

I will not have fun today, I told myself. It’s hot and I’m cranky and the lemonade slushies are super tasty… DAMNIT! I need to be more negative. THIS SLUSHIE IS NOT SLUSHIE ENOUGH! (Yes, I did actually say that.)

I had a giggle fit that I had to deny when I found out that Street Drum Corps would be playing at 4:20 at the Skullcandy tent, every single day, all tour. I always make a point to go see the SDC guys as frequently as possible but this time, damnit, I was not going to enjoy the spectacle of Adam slamming a beer keg with a lead pipe, Frankie beating the cymbals and screaming like a Maori tribesman gone berserk, or Bobby playing the Theremin in the midst of all the chaos. I certainly did not enjoy shaking my booty to the tunes with all my friends and if anyone said any different, I’d say they were a liar.

The hottest part of the day was over so I switched my whining from “its too damn hot” to “I’m so damn hungry.” To my dismay, we got food quickly and it tasted good. There was even an abundance of napkins and condiments and the food was less that $10. Man, was I pissed. Sarah Dope bought me another lemonade slushie for us to share before she disappeared off to shoot Killswitch Engage. I had a glorious bit of storming around and complaining that we couldn’t find her before my phone beeped and there was a text telling us where to meet her. I tried a new tactic of complaining that my feet hurt but I was once again foiled as we went to go sit in the Takeover Records tent. With shade, water, a chair, a full belly, and friends, I was out of things to whine about so I got up to go wander and see other friends… and whine to them. Everyone was having such a damn good time that I couldn’t get anyone to commiserate with me. Angie and Sarah caught me singing loudly to Bad Religion (because I couldn’t hear them over the crowd, I shouted over Greg’s amplified vocals) and dancing around with Jamie and JP. I hurriedly suggested that we go backstage, lamenting that my phone was going to die.

We hopped up on the Takeover RV, where I was given an outlet to charge my phone and a bottle of water for my thirst. I spent the next several hours running around the bus lot, riding Mark’s bike, chatting with my friends, eating, playing video games, meeting new friends, and generally NOT HAVING ANY FUN AT ALL!

It took us until midnight to finally say goodbye to everyone and leave. I took my friend Emily, who is working at Music Saves Lives this year, home with me for hangs. We were up early to go to the Ventura date, which had me complaining. Since it was so early, I got to park backstage and not pay for parking, skip all the traffic that made everyone else four hours late, hang out with everyone I’d met the night before while they were setting up, help out with the various booths, get a filling breakfast, watch my friends in Phathom play, get coated in sunscreen by my new husband, and relax in the shade of Bleed the Dream’s tent – all before noon! My miserable position – it baffles you, no?

As I mentioned, all three contingents of my friends were stuck in traffic. Elena had my passes, Sarah and Angie were my company, and Jeffree was just good fun in general. All of them, not here. I was here, out in the sun (which wasn’t as scorching as the day before) and the heat (which was muted by the pleasant ocean breeze) and the dust (which was totally nonexistent) and the throngs of screaming kids (who weren’t screaming but instead chillaxing and holding up some good conversation to keep me entertained while introducing me to their friends so I met more people and on and on.)

I didn’t want to have fun. I didn’t want to make new friends. I wanted my friends and a cool, air conditioned area to relax in. But Warped Tour was able, once again, to disappoint my ability to be disappointed in the day. Right as I was getting really antsy, everyone arrived, took me to see Street Drum Corps and Bleed the Dream, then we headed backstage to the Bleed the Dream RV. Everyone was there and Whizzle had a barbecue alight. Even I could not find anything to complain about as plates and plates of hot dogs and turkey burgers and barbecue chicken and corn grilled to perfection were brought inside the RV. Keith (aka Keither Sutherland aka Keith Ledger) and I sat up front and talked before we were overrun by friends. Street Drum Corps (who had played a smoking set with the help of Shannon Leto of 30 Seconds to Mars) showed up with Tomo and Vickie. Emily ambled along to get her bag from my car then returned to hang out. Whizzle kept the food coming as more and more people showed up.

The best was Sarah Dope’s friend Zilch who was working for the freak show. We sat around talking about sideshows for quite some time before heading off to break down the freak show that is on the tour this year. I got to help out and in my zone of carrying gear and slitting zip cords and sweating so hard I thought I was going to pass out I realized that I had fun. Despite myself, despite bitching and moaning and screaming and being a pain in the ass the whole time, I had fun. I couldn’t help it. That’s why we do this every year. Because the sun and the heat and the dust all sucks but you can’t help but enjoy yourself on Warped Tour – even when you’re trying your best to be miserable. It’s a family. It’s just a good time. I realized it just in time to enjoy the last few hours of Warped Tour without trying to stop myself from having a good time and admitting it. I got to kiss all of my friends goodbye and leave far too soon.

So go to the tour. Yes, its hot and there are a lot of people. But you will have fun. Its not about the bands that are playing – it about the environment and how unique and welcoming it is. Bands don’t go sit out in their merch booths on other tours, The people who work other tours aren’t friendly and silly. Warped is a special tour with a special place in my heart – even when I try to harden my heart against it. That’s why I do it every summer – because at the end of the day, you’re dirty and sunburned but you’ve had the best time of your life.

It also must be noted that I got to see Steve and Karen and stopped being a pretentious sulky prat long enough to give hugs to my two favorite buzznet staffers. Go tell them hi and thank them for the tireless work they do for all of us here on Buzznet. Thanks, you guys!